Love

The beauty around me lives in the permanent, in the indivisible. My life
has a tendency to revolve around fear. With this dread it can seem like
the minutes are wasted, always trying to conform or ascribe to a certain
set of constraints. In the contact with others I've found solace and
happiness but always in a form that I never anticipated. Very few bonds
are permanent, but once established they transcend distance, time and
all those ugly human traits that seem to flow like tar along with our
blood and seem so difficult to shed in the light of true human
interaction. The fear I speak of comes from that question that beats
relentlessly outwards from inside our skin from the moment we come into
our senses, the question of love. This question has no form or context,
and seems to flow naturally from the deepest part of us, like some
insatiable primordial thirst.

The force of this question is so strong, so natural, so intertwined with
the very fabric of what makes us human that it usually is easily
misrepresented and misunderstood. How can we answer a question we can't
even pose? It takes a long time to be able to question ourselves in such
a way that we are able to find fulfillment. But just being able to
understand this incredible force within us should provide us with such
fulfillment as to make our lives of inquiry worthwhile.

And here's where the fear is born, from impatience and from the
anticipation that we may be doing everything the wrong way. Being
insecure is not a weakness, it forces us to reexamine our conclusions,
our motives and our driving forces; it drives us to an answer. I keep
trying to keep the fear at bay, find a way to prevent it from being born
out of that insecurity.

It may seem like some kind of cosmic irony that the search for the
nature of our longing is probably the loneliest kind of search. It must
be done outside the context of what seems the norms of modern society,
outside of the usual rules of interaction, outside of what most people
call the romantic world, it must be done where one is truly alone,
within.

I don't believe a couple complements each other, I believe they share,
they teach, they understand and they transcend the fact that they are a
couple and from their union something even more important evolves. I
believe few people ever achieve this. I hope someday I will.